Letting Loose
by KlainesBowties
Summary: Chris Colfer works way too much. All his friends want to do is encourage him to let loose, yet when Darren plus one too many shots of tequilla are added to the mix, Chris gets a lot more than just a way to let loose. Rated M for safety.


I don't have one night stands. It's that simple. I don't like the thought I going home with some random guy and having sex just because I'm drunk. It's not something I do. I know this sounds horribly cheesy and stupid but I want sex to be special. Especially my first time.

Well my first was far from perfect. I was drunk, actually. All I remember is sex, and waking up very, very sore.

That's where I am now, laying here, hung over, scared to fucking death to roll over and see who the hell took my virginity. Probably just some random guy that had no idea that he was my first because we were both so damn drunk.

This, by the way, was why I didn't go to bars often. All my friends, who enjoyed partying, were constantly yelling, 'Come on, Chris! Let loose!', or something of that nature, to try to get me drunk. I honestly don't know why they hate me so much.

Not that I didn't enjoy some of it. Going out with friends was fun, getting wasted and losing my virginity? Yeah, not so much.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, rolling over to see who was there with me. The figure was cuddle down onto my bed; I could only see his dark hair and, even though partially covered by the blankets, naked body. All I could say was he was gorgeous. His hair was a warm, dark, chocolaty brown color. It right now was a mess of curls lying limply on his head. I dared to adjust myself to see who I had just slept with.

He was positively, breathtakingly, beautiful. Everything in his face was just gorgeous, and his body was even more gorgeous and stunning. I felt tears pricking my eyes. I knew him. It was Darren.

A part of me wants to find a way to blame this on Lea, Ashley and Dianna. They were the ones that dragged me out of the house and told me to celebrate. Celebrate my book I guess. I told them that it wasn't necessary, but being the three annoying girls they can be at times, I went.

I hadn't drunk or barely done anything but sit at the bar and watch the three of them, along with some of the other cast, dance to the noisy club music. I had wanted to go home, I had work, i shouldn't have been oh partying, or watching all my friends party for that matter.

"Ya gonna drink anything, Colfer?" my heart beat faster at the smoothness in the voice. He sat next to me, bright eyed and with a large, dorky smile.

"Should I?" I asked him, trying not to show how hot I thought my friend was. It was quite a difficult task though; his dark chocolate curls were slightly wet with sweat, as was his forehead, from all the dancing he had been doing. He was wearing what was probably the tightest pair of skinny jeans in the world, and I swear to all that's good untried not to stare.

"Yes, Christopher," I scowled at him as he called me by my whole name. He knew that I hated when he, or anyone for that matter, called me that. I saw him chuckle slightly at my scowl, I mumbled an 'asshole' under my breath before he went on.

"Yes you should. It is your party…" I sighed. Why was it my party? Why did my friends always insist to drag me out and make me act like a normal 22 year old?

"Well, maybe I don't want this to be my party." I muttered. He gave me a dirty look and signaled the bartender.

"Two shots of tequila, please." I growled at him softly, wishing he'd take the hint.

"Dare…" I sighed, "I don't want it." Darren handed me a shot and smiled. I hated him right now, well, not really at all. I could never hate him.

"Drink your fucking shot, Colfer." he downed his shot and ordered another, "Live a little." I gave him a look of hesitance as I stared at my shot. I swished the liquid a bit in the glass, some splashing out onto my pants.

"Please, Chris, for me?" he gave me his best puppy dog eyes, smiling at me and batting his eyelashes. Damn that face, that perfect face that I couldn't even say no to if I tried, and believed me, I really tried.

"Fine," I muttered before downing my shot, cringing slightly at the strength of the alcohol. I put down my shot glass, "You happy now?"

"Nope," he handed me another shot, when had he ordered a whole bottle? "Drink another." I sighed again for probably the three hundredth time the night.

"Why do you want me to get wasted?"

"I don't, I just want you to have some fun for once." Darren looked seriously at me, placing his hand on my knee; I took a deep breath as he rubbed his thumb lightly next to my kneecap. My heart was beating at one thousand beats a millisecond. Darren Criss was rubbing my knee, squeezing it lightly and smiling at me with that huge, adorable, beautiful smile of his.

"You deserve to have some fun, Chris." he pointed to the shot glass he had handed to me. I nodded slightly before slowly downing the shot. A huge smile crossed Darren's face when my alcohol had decided to kick in.

Before I knew it Darren had handed me another, then another, then another, then many more shots. I was drunker than I had gotten on my twenty-first birthday, and believe me, I was downright wasted my 21st birthday. I was up dancing to the fast past music, letting loose for the first time in what was probably forever. My mind was racing yet cloudy as hell; I could tell that Darren was just as drunk as I was. He was dancing next to me and then eventually with me.

His hand had snaked around my waist and the other on the back of my neck. I had my hands on his hips as we swayed drunkenly. The amount of tequila and who knows what else was in our system had clouded both are judgments. I know, or at least thought, Darren was straight.

Yet, in the midst of our drunken movements Darren had pressed his lips to mine. Now normally, I would have been sensible and pushed him off and asked him what the fuck he was doing, but apparently drunken Chris didn't think that would be a good idea.

I kissed Darren back with as much drunken passion as I could muster. This was all I had ever wanted, but of course, at the moment I have no idea what was going on to the extent that it was going on.

All I can say now is that Darren's hand that was on my waist was snaking down to squeeze my ass. I moaned into his mouth as his tongue playing tricks into my own.

The next few minutes were just a drunken flail of bodies, making out as we stumbled into a cab and back to my house. Somehow we managed to pay the cab driver and stumble up to my front door and inside my house.

Next thing I knew Darren's lips were all over my body. He pulled my shirt off and pressed hot, wet, messy kisses to my chest. I was way too aware of the hardness in my pants. I fumbled with the belt buckle of my pants and started to pull at my pants. Darren recognized my struggle and started to pull down my pants for me.

The rest was a blur. Soon we were both naked and kissing heavily; we were out of breath so it was basically just a tangled, sweaty mess. I barely remember Darren stretching me out and eventually thrusting in and out of me at a fast, pounding pace.

That was my last memory, other than waking up now and feeling disgusted. Seeing Darren's face brought all of the memories back. I couldn't believe it; I had lost my virginity to Darren Criss. Darren Criss, who was probably my best friend.

That wouldn't have been so bad if Darren weren't straight. But he is, or at least I thought he was, and this was just a drunken mistake that he'd probably just want to ignore. I knew if that was the case, I should act as if this were just any other one night stand, not that I knew what one night stands were like.

Darren started to stir so I wiped the tear that had fallen from my eye and tried to act as if I had just now woken up.

"Mm… where am I- Chris?" he muttered, obviously in the midst of a horrible hangover. He rubbed his head softly and looked over at me and at my naked figure.

"Did we…" I nodded slowly before he finished.

"Yeah, yeah we did." I replied and pulled the blankets around me while I bent down to pick up my pants and underwear, suddenly very insecure about myself, which made no sense considering we had sex the previous night.

"Oh…" Darren replied softly, he looked down and pulled the covers up around his own naked figure. Neither of us said anything ever or a while, looking away from each other. I had no idea how to break the silence between the two of us. We had never had an awkward silence between us; we always were talking about something.

I slid off my bed and put on my pants and underwear quickly, "Chris, do you want to talk about this?" Darren asked, inching closer to me.

"What's there to talk about?" I asked, trying not to show the pain in my voice. I looked around my room for my shirt, avoiding looking at Darren, "We had a one nightstand, we were drunk, and it's no big deal. We can just forget about it and go back to being friends."

I finally found my shirt thrown at the other side of the room. I picked it up and pulled it over my head. Darren still sat on my bed, apparently watching my every move.

"Was that all this was to you, Chris?" Darren asked, his voice cracked slightly for whatever reason.

"Of course." I answered him, sitting down next to the still very naked Darren. I willed myself not to look at him. "It was a drunken one night stand, it'll never happen again… so let's just pretend it never happened."

Darren nodded slowly, "S-so… so this never happened." he whispered, looking away from me. I nodded, I knew that if he stayed another second I'd break into tears.

"I'm gonna take a shower." I announced, "And when I get out you won't be here, okay?"

Darren nodded again and grabbed his clothes, dressing quickly.

"B-bye… Chris." he muttered as he walked out of my room. I sighed as he walked out.

"Bye, Dare." I whispered, knowing he couldn't hear me. Everything came hitting me at once. Darren was gone, I was alone. And I was heartbroken.

I darted out of Chris' house in absolute sobs. I'd never cried so much in my life. It was just a one night stand for him, a one night stand that meant nothing. I meant nothing to him. I was just another guy to him; he didn't even want to think that happened. He wanted to forget it. He wanted me to forget it. But how could I forget the first time I slept with Chris? How could I forget the love I felt for him that night? How could I forget how much I still love him?

Getting back to my house wasn't fun. I got a cab, paid the guy and managed to walk inside my house. I plopped down on my couch, thanking God that Joey wasn't home. I lied back on my couch, looking up at the ceiling. I felt the pain in my heart start up again, even more this time than when I left Chris'.

I cried. I didn't just cry, I sobbed. For the first time in years I just couldn't stop crying. Of course I cried. This was Chris. Chris Colfer. Chris Colfer who was by far my best friend. Chris Colfer, the most beautiful, perfect, precious person on the face of the earth.

The night we had shared together was a drunken, messy blur, but it was still my first time with Chris. I remembered lying there, watching him sleep after my alcohol had worn off. He looked amazing as he slept. His chest rose and fell slowly as he breathed. His hair was a mess, yet it looked still so beautiful. I held myself back from wrapping my arms around him and holding his naked body to my own. I just wanted to be near him, to hold him.

I sat up on my couch from where I lay, crying. I had to stop myths pity party. Season four was starting soon; I couldn't act like this every time I got around Chris. Even if all I wanted to do was cry and tell him how much I loved him, how much I adored him, all of him. I couldn't believe that my first time with Chris was like this. I had always imagined it, and yes I had imagined it many times, to be perfect. I wanted to make love to him our first time, not just a simple fuck. Except that's all it was, I had to come to the realization that Chris and I didn't make love. We'd never make love. Chris didn't love me and now everything I had with him was gone.

There'd be no more movie nights together, no more cuddling watching Disney, no more of his annoying, yet cute, comments about everything I do. No more anything. I felt the tears well up in my eyes again but I refused to let them fall. I stood up, stretched, and made my way to my room. I had to change, I looked like shit at the moment and I knew it. I walked to my closet and pulled out a random t-shirt and sweatpants, if I was going to look like shit I was going to do it in clean clothes at least. I walked over to my shower and put the clothes on the sink before I turned the water on, not even giving it a chance to warm up before I got in.

The water poured down onto my head, it felt fucking amazing once it had turned hot. It didn't make anything feel better though, at all. I don't know how everything reminded me of Chris, but somehow even this did. I couldn't do a thing without thinking of him. He was the first thing I thought of when I woke up, the last thing I thought of before I fell asleep at night, every time someone called or came to the door I hoped it was him, whenever I heard a love song I thought of him. I didn't understand how it was possible to be so annoyingly, disgustingly in love, but apparently it was.

I rushed through my shower as I realized I was extremely hungry. Honestly all I had had in my stomach was alcohol, well that is until I puked it all out. I toweled off quickly and got dressed. I made my way out to my kitchen and stared at my grocery list:

_Milk_

_Eggs_

_Apple Juice_

_Beer_

_Cereal_

It was all written out in either Joey's or my own messy scrabbled. I started to open the refrigerator door when I was at the bottom was written in large, blue, capital letters, _'DARREN, GET ME DIET COKE- CHRIS'. _His handwriting was by far the worst, yet, somehow it was freaking adorable. I sighed and pulled the grocery list off the refrigerator. I didn't need a reminder of him every time I went to my kitchen, even though there were reminders of him everywhere around here.

I had a diet coke spill on my couch from the time I tickled him until he let me choose the next movie, there was a copy of his book sitting on my nightstand in my room, if I thought long enough I could say some way that everywhere in this place reminded me of him.

I lay on my bed, staring off into space, not really knowing want to think. I was cuddled down onto the pillow that Darren slept on. It smelt like him. I know that sounds weird and stalkerish, but it's true. It had the smell of him everywhere. Everything in my house reminded me of him.

Suddenly I heard a buzzing; I looked to grab my phone to see who it was, except it wasn't my phone. It was Darren's.

I sighed; of course it was Darren's. I would have to go over and see him to give him his phone. Of course, none of this was going to be easy. I groaned as I got up, I didn't want to leave my bed. I didn't want to have to leave my comfortable bed. My comfortable bed that smelt like Darren.

I proceeded to get up, put actual clothes on instead of my old pajamas, and make my way, admittedly with a small limp, to Darren's house. As much as I wanted to just plop down on my bed and throw myself a pity party I knew I couldn't. Darren needed his phone; he practically lived off of it.

I slowly made my way downstairs and to my car. Getting in I sat down in the driver's seat and stared out at the space next to my car, sometimes I wondered if there'd ever be another car to fill the empty space, or someone to fill my empty heart.

Not that I really wanted anybody other than Darren, before last night he had been all I'd ever wanted, now I was even _more_ in love with him than I was earlier, if that was at all possible. The thing that's strange is I never wanted to fall in love, I mean yeah it'd be nice and one day I'd love to be in a relationship, but the day I met Darren I definitely hadn't woken up and said _yup I'm gonna fall in love today. _No, not the case at all. I guess I just kinda fell for Darren.

The day I met, when I had first laid eyes on him, I was done for. I fell in love instantly. I'd never really believed in love at first sight before, hell, I'd barely believed in love. My friends had always told me about how romantic love at first sight was, but being me I didn't believe them. I didn't believe that you could just look at someone and realize _Oh fuck I'm in love, _but yes, yes you could. Or at least I could, not that I would ever admit that to anyone.

The drive to Darren's was shorter than I had wanted it to be, I was trying to put together in my mind what I was going to say to him when I got there but I didn't know. Seriously, what would I say, '_Oh hey Dare, you left your phone at my house last night after I lost my virginity to you, here it is! Bye!'? _

I sighed quietly to myself and parked in his driveway walking the short distance to his door before knocking quietly.

"H-hang on..." I heard a small, muffled, almost sad voice say through the door. After a second Darren opened the door, "Hey… Oh, Chris…" he whispered my name softly. Fuck, I loved when he said my name. The way he said it just, it just sounded beautiful.

"Hey, Darren," I whispered back, looking down at the ground, "Uh, you uh… You left your phone at my house when you uh… when you were o-over." I stumbled out, I was making a mess of this, "H-here it is." I looked up and handed him his phone. When he had reached out to take it our fingertips brushed softly, I tried to stifle the small gasp that came out of my mouth but I couldn't, there was no use.

"Hmm… oh, yeah thanks. I hadn't even missed it." he muttered back to me, there was obviously tension between us. Of course there was, we had just had sex the night before. "D-do you want to come in?" he asked, his voice sounding slightly hopeful.

"I-I'm not sure if that's such a good idea, Da-"

"Please, Chris," his voice sounded sad again as he interrupted me and as if he had to see me, "please, you said that we'd pretend that everything was normal between us and normally-"

"Nothing about this is normal, Darren!" I yelled; my emotions finally all coming out at once, "We slept together, we were best friends, got drunk and had sex! Now all of that is gone!" I felt the tears burning in my eyes as I told him all this, "I know I don't mean anything to you in that way and I know what we did didn't mean anything to you but it meant something to me!" I cried out. The expression on his face had turned from sad and confused to slightly angry.

"Chris you think you don't mean something to me? Gosh, Chris after all we've been through you don't think that you don't mean anything to me? I do care! Fuck, why can't you see that?" he yelled back, running his hands through his hair and stepping back into his house, he started to close the door but I wouldn't let him. I walked in and slammed the door behind me.

"Darren you can't possibly understand how much I'm hurting! You're not just some random guy I slept with, you were my first and… and I love you." I yelled back, my voice dropped to a whisper as I reached the end of my sentence. Darren's face changed to something I couldn't read. He walked over closer to me. I expected him to tell me to get out or to flat out reject me. I braced myself for the final blow. The final thing that would take me away from Darren.

But he didn't. Instead, he leaned in and pressed a small, soft, gentle kiss to my lips. It took me by surprise but I soon melted into the kiss, he wrapped his arms around my waist, but not in the way he had the previous night. He held me like I was all he had left in the world. He kissed me slowly and finally pulled away, keeping his lips lingering not even a centimeter away from my own.

"Chris, you're everything to me. I've never loved anyone like I love you…" he took a deep breath, "What I'm trying to say is I've been with girls before but after being with you and after loving you, I don't want any of those girls, or any girl for that matter. I just want you." He was close to tears, I could tell, and I, well I was already crying.

"And the fact that what we did last night was your first," he paused and took my hand, holding it between us, "you deserve better, Chris. You deserve flowers and champagne and romance." I smiled softly; I was kind of, for once in my life, at a loss for words.

"Dare, baby, it's fine. It was with you, that's all that matters." He shook his head leaning in to kiss me again softly.

"Honey, you're so, so perfect and I-I love you _so_ much." He dropped my hands long enough to pull me into a hug, "I'm gonna make sure you get all of that one day, I promise."

I smiled at his promise, "I don't need flowers, champagne or anything special," I kissed the top of his forehead, "All I ever wanted was you."

"Well," Darren smiled with a huge, goofy, loving grin, "now you have me. Forever."

_Forever._ I never thought that I'd be able to use that word talking about Darren. Forever with him sounded perfect.

"That's a pretty big promise there, Dare." I joked as we hugged onto each other tightly, neither of us wanting to let go of the other.

"It's a big promise I intend on keeping." He whispered into my ear.

I didn't respond, I just held to him tight as he held me tight, we looked into each other's eyes. Before, when looking into Darren's eyes I was always searching for something there, like there was something missing that I couldn't identify, but now I found it. I finally found the one missing thing that I could never exactly pinpoint.

Love.


End file.
